mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
