The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
