just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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