I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
