Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
