I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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