I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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