Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
