He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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