So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
