i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
