I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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