if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
