No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
