I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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