She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
