Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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