call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
