Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
