sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
