I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
