I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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