In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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