We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
