Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
