Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I lost the right to judge tonight
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
