Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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