Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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