im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
