I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
