I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
