if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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