I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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