Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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