I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
