The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
