just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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