Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Found your dick twin last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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