I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
