____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
