So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
