She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
