You're my little dorito
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
