Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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