We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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