Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
