I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
