how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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