I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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