rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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