i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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