please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
