pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
