Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
