Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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