Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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