I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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